Life Changes..........

 



“Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure.  But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it.  Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.”  ~Shunryu Suzuki



As a person that deals professionally with “change” I understand that things move along in life and there will always be a certain type of cycle. We embark on a new adventure every now and then no matter what are plans are. Change happens on different levels in our lives. It may be personal, professional, academic or even spiritual.

What happens during a change?

The first thing that happens is a certain awareness of either what is coming or the need for what is to come. Changes come about sometimes through planning and oftentimes by chance. When we first become aware of the change a multitude of things may happen depending on our personality type.

We may feel fear, uncertainty, excitement, happiness, or even dread. For the gamut of emotions that lean toward the negative I believe the underlying cause is lack of information. Some may say it is fear… but fear only comes from lack of knowledge. The more we know the better we are able to deal with what is coming… we are more able to make quality decisions… and have a positive outcome.

I feel that at this moment my life seems to be changing on more than one level. What do I feel? Some fear, anxiety, excitement and mostly just overwhelmed. This happens when we are saturated with change. Change saturation can happen both in organizations as well as in our personal lives.

What can we do about these feelings? How can we overcome our fear and take that bold step into a new and different way of doing something, believing something or even living a different way?

I say we use logic. We step back and take a look at facts, and follow through the possible outcomes of each change we are contemplating.

Questions we can ask ourselves:

Ø  What do I know?

Ø  What don’t I know?

Ø  Where can I get information?

Ø  What are the possible options?

Ø  What is the best case scenario?

Ø  What is the worst case scenario?

Ø  Can I live with/through worst or best case scenario?

Ø  Are there mitigation plans I can develop to lessen negative impacts?

Ø  What can I do to take control of the situation?

Ø  What do I need to let go of that I can’t control?

If we can follow it through the chances are very good that we will reach the conclusion that not only can we live through this, we have the potential to grow.

Next time you are faced with a change… ask yourself the above questions. Write them down, think about it, and then most importantly make a commitment to the change.

Humans are built for change. It is a natural dynamic in our lives. It is our own mind which we must overcome if we are to embrace what will ultimately help us to enhance our human experience.

A Word To The Wise

In this society where people tend to look at divorce and single parenthood as normal, it may be wise when looking for a mate to always contemplate what may happen in the future.

What does this mean? It means that if one is looking to get involved with a person who has any type of connection, especially children, to a romantic interest in the past, it is wise to use logic before one makes the decision to commit. This is especially true for single women since only 16% of custodial parents are fathers.

Let’s take a look at some statistics (keep in mind these are averages):

Ø  Child support represents 47.9% of the average income for custodial parents

Ø  57.6% of custodial parents ALSO received some type of noncash support from non-custodial parents (gifts, clothes, tuition for camps, furniture, toys, insurance, etc……)

Ø  46.5% of custodial parents either did not work at all or only worked part-time

Ø  54% of all custodial parents have obtained a court order to receive financial support from non-custodial parent

Ø  44% of marriages that end, do so within 10 years for financial hardship reasons

When reviewing these statistics it is important to keep in mind one’s own capacity to love and persevere.

Some questions to contemplate would be:

Ø  What is truly important to me?

Ø  Am I capable of really loving someone through hardship?

Ø  Am I willing to accept responsibility for lives or problems that I did not create?

Ø  Will I be able to persevere in the face of possible financial hardship which affects not only me… but my current family relationships?

While the above statistics would seem to indicate that this particular blog is about NOT getting involved with someone who may be subject to supporting another household as well as your own, it is not intended to discourage… only inform.

As Americans we tend to give little thought to issues such as love and the creation of our family. Things such as buying a home, a car or developing our career warrant months and sometimes years of thought while relationships seem to “just happen.”

If Americans began to view relationships with the same examining eye we used on our pocketbook, we may see many of the social ills we have begin to disappear.

My advice, based on personal experience, to anyone thinking about becoming the spouse of a non-custodial parent is this:

Ø  Make sure you have the capacity to love unconditionally

Ø  Understand that all relationships have highs and lows which may be extreme

Ø  Commit to commitment because sometimes you may not have that feeling you call love

Ø  Remember that all things eventually run their cycle and life is ever changing

Ø  Develop your ability to keep your eye on the ball… even though things may get rough you will ultimately be better off for having stuck it out

Children are a precious gift from God. Unfortunately they can also be used as tools to exact revenge on the one who has been deemed to have committed some type of wrongdoing. This “wrong” could have been something as serious as infidelity or as understandable as merely getting on with his/her life.

In a perfect world the children would come first which would mean that both parents would have the ability and the opportunity to thrive so that they may be not only caretakers but good examples. This is not a perfect world and things can and do happen… remember, life is always changing.

As human’s we have the ability to love completely… just make sure you always go in with your eyes wide open.

Reference: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf

Can We Reflect On This?

Let me begin this by stating that I am glad the rein of Osama Bin Laden is over and that we no longer have to worry about this particular terrorist plotting against innocent people worldwide.

As I watched the news last night and the celebration that ensued I was reminded of the images of Palestinians cheering in the streets after 9/11. (I apologize for the comparison but it truly was what I thought about)

I know that the most crucial difference is that on 9/11 innocent lives were lost and that Osama Bin Laden was a mass murderer, but it still somehow gave me a certain sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I’m just as patriotic as the next person and I’ll admit that I am glad that the world is rid of the scourge of Osama Bin Laden… but is it a good reflection on us, as Americans, that we celebrate with such glee over any type of bloodshed?

Perhaps our country is at a crossroads right now and this victory is a light in the darkness. Are we really celebrating the death of Bin Laden or are we thrilled over our own need to reaffirm that we are still the superpower that we have always been?

I don’t know the answers to these questions for sure but I do know that I had mixed emotions.

Things that ran through my mind were:

Ø  How do the families of his victims worldwide (not just here in USA) feel right now?

Ø  What is going to happen next as far as retaliation?

Ø  How did this affect the actual person who pulled that trigger? (to me it is a sacrifice to be the one to actually do the killing of another human being… even if deserved that image will forever be in this person’s head )

Ø  How do Osama Bin Laden’s followers feel right now watching American’s cheering in the streets? Do they feel the same sense of outrage I felt when I watched people celebrating the deaths of my fellow American’s? Will this embolden them or discourage them?

Ø  Who are we as a country? Should we have screamed and yelled in joyous outburst or would we have done ourselves a favor by accepting this news with a reserved dignity thereby reflecting an image more aligned with this message of “Peace” that we continuously give to other countries?

Don’t get me wrong… I too was extremely satisfied with my country and my military when I heard… and even now I have an overwhelming sense of patriotic pride. I love my country and am proud of the fact that we persevere… we protect our citizens… we never forget.

This is just a free flowing thought process as I’m trying to absorb what has happened within my own heart and mind.

Blogging - A Window Into The Soul

Recently, I decided that I may want to blog. After doing so I began to notice a few of my friends have blogs of their own.

Reading someone’s blog can give you great insight into the person you think you know.

Don’t get me wrong…. I didn’t find out anything earth shattering; however, I do feel closer to them for having taken the time to read their thoughts on various issues.

Things you can find out by reading your friends blog:

Ø  Priorities and concerns.

o   People will spend time and energy on things that are near and dear to their heart. Writing a blog takes both.

Ø  Bits of their history you never knew.

o   I found out that one of my very dear friends had a parent who was a professional musician. Hmmm… did he tell me this and perhaps I forgot? Have I NEVER asked him what his parents did for a living? Needless to say I found out something about myself also through this revelation…. L!

Ø  Differences in culture.

o   People are more likely to be frank when discussing cultural differences in writing where they have the time to fully express what they mean before the reader develops a defensive feeling and responds.  (I have asked my friend from India a thousand questions about Indian vs. American culture and found out a lot from reading his blog which made me appreciate him even more!)

Ø  True emotional status.

o   When people see one another daily they tend to keep conversation light, especially in the workplace. Reading a blog you get a sense of what is really on another person’s mind and what they are feeling.

Thanks to all my friends who ARE currently writing a blog… you have provided those of us who care about you an insight into your inner world… and I, for one am honored.

If you aren’t writing a blog… think about doing so, it can be therapeutic and I’d love to read it!

If your reading this blog… thanks for letting me be a part of your world.

Blogging is almost like talkiing to ourselves....

First I'd like to flat out admit that I am a social networking junkie! My main focus is facebook and as we all know it is NOT for blogging! I often find myself getting the familiar error message letting me know that my posts are more than 420 characters and demanding I "get to the point" so to speak. Well, as a result I have decided to begin a blog.

What will blogging do for me? Mainly provide a platform to explore issues, stimulate discussion and quench my never ending thirst for debate and dialogue on meaningful issues.. well, meaningful to me anyway.

I'm learning on this platform and most likely will improve with time so if you are reading this and decide to follow expect GREAT things.... after I get the hang of it!