A Word To The Wise

In this society where people tend to look at divorce and single parenthood as normal, it may be wise when looking for a mate to always contemplate what may happen in the future.

What does this mean? It means that if one is looking to get involved with a person who has any type of connection, especially children, to a romantic interest in the past, it is wise to use logic before one makes the decision to commit. This is especially true for single women since only 16% of custodial parents are fathers.

Let’s take a look at some statistics (keep in mind these are averages):

Ø  Child support represents 47.9% of the average income for custodial parents

Ø  57.6% of custodial parents ALSO received some type of noncash support from non-custodial parents (gifts, clothes, tuition for camps, furniture, toys, insurance, etc……)

Ø  46.5% of custodial parents either did not work at all or only worked part-time

Ø  54% of all custodial parents have obtained a court order to receive financial support from non-custodial parent

Ø  44% of marriages that end, do so within 10 years for financial hardship reasons

When reviewing these statistics it is important to keep in mind one’s own capacity to love and persevere.

Some questions to contemplate would be:

Ø  What is truly important to me?

Ø  Am I capable of really loving someone through hardship?

Ø  Am I willing to accept responsibility for lives or problems that I did not create?

Ø  Will I be able to persevere in the face of possible financial hardship which affects not only me… but my current family relationships?

While the above statistics would seem to indicate that this particular blog is about NOT getting involved with someone who may be subject to supporting another household as well as your own, it is not intended to discourage… only inform.

As Americans we tend to give little thought to issues such as love and the creation of our family. Things such as buying a home, a car or developing our career warrant months and sometimes years of thought while relationships seem to “just happen.”

If Americans began to view relationships with the same examining eye we used on our pocketbook, we may see many of the social ills we have begin to disappear.

My advice, based on personal experience, to anyone thinking about becoming the spouse of a non-custodial parent is this:

Ø  Make sure you have the capacity to love unconditionally

Ø  Understand that all relationships have highs and lows which may be extreme

Ø  Commit to commitment because sometimes you may not have that feeling you call love

Ø  Remember that all things eventually run their cycle and life is ever changing

Ø  Develop your ability to keep your eye on the ball… even though things may get rough you will ultimately be better off for having stuck it out

Children are a precious gift from God. Unfortunately they can also be used as tools to exact revenge on the one who has been deemed to have committed some type of wrongdoing. This “wrong” could have been something as serious as infidelity or as understandable as merely getting on with his/her life.

In a perfect world the children would come first which would mean that both parents would have the ability and the opportunity to thrive so that they may be not only caretakers but good examples. This is not a perfect world and things can and do happen… remember, life is always changing.

As human’s we have the ability to love completely… just make sure you always go in with your eyes wide open.

Reference: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf